I don’t really know how to feel or what to feel. I just know that in the past few days, I have been feeling so low and lost and confused.
I love you.
There, I said it. In the span of time that we have been together, I fell in love with you. It was too soon, yes, just like how fast our relatonship went from being total strangers to friends who know everything about each other. Sadly, it went on too fast, it also ended too soon.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you had we not taken that trip together. Those four amazing days where you made me feel cared for and loved.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you had you not cleaned my shoes that day, saying it is your way to show how much you appreciate me. Had you not prepared the shower for me to make sure I get a warm one to beat the cold mountain air. Had you not taken time to fix the bed just so it would be a comfortable sleep for us.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you had you not asked me to always walk beside you. “Let’s walk together”, you would always say. Had we not shared your earphones to listen to a playlist you’d make for us. Had we not taken turns holding your phone while watching romantic films you liked and wanted me to see.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you had we not stared at each other on those mornings; smiling, giggling at the thought that we are together. Had we not exchanged looks when we find something amusing, annoying, or funny. Had we not understood each other’s smile, facial reactions, and gestures.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you had we not planned a lot of things we wanted to do, places we wanted to visit, movies we wanted to see. Had we not decided to take that trip and planned more. Had we not been too intimate on those moments we were together.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you had you not opened yourself to me. Had you not told me things about you that no one else knew. Had you not said the words you never told anyone before. Had you not showed me your vulnerabilities. Had you not let me in on those deepest, darkest memories. Had you not let me in to meet that child within.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you had you not allowed me to be vulnerable with you. Had you not listened to my stories, my fears, my life. Had you not been curious about what my thoughts and feelings were. Had you not let me to trust you with things I also never entrusted to anyone else.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you had you not taken the first move. Had you not kissed me. Had you not held my hand. Had you not hugged me.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you had you not let me fall.
You did tell me we are friends, great friends. That I will always be special. At that time I was ok with that. I was happy with that. But I fell in love.
It all went well. Then all of it ended.
I never got the chance to tell you that I already love you. I truly wish I did not fall in love with you.