A/N: This is a blog post from eons ago. I am republishing it with additional parts because of a recent conversation that is basically the second part of this discussion.
Nung minsan sa clinic, napunta ang usapan namin sa Transcendence of Love. Ano ‘yun? Di ko din alam! Basta, napunta du’n ang usapan kasi si Novee at si Fr. Marlon napag-usapan ‘yun. So ayun, du’n napunta usapan.
Ang alam ko, sa philosophy ang transcendence of love at narinig ko na din dati ‘yun kay Dan. Mga seminarista/pari ang may alam sa topic na ‘yun usually. Pero ayon kay pareng Google at Merriam-Webster, to transcend is “to overcome and triumph over the negative and restrictive aspects of…” So in short, to go through the transcendence of love is to triumph over the negative and restrictive aspects of love. At isa ‘dun ang pain. Kasi nga ayaw natin sa pain at isa ‘yun sa negative aspects ng love. Ganun din, isa ito sa restrictive aspects nito. Kasi nalilimitahan ang pagmamahal natin ‘pag nasasakan tayo.
Sa love, kasama daw talaga ang sakit. Oo! Pare-pareho tayong lahat na ayaw ang sakit, pero part ‘yun ng pagmamahal. And, for someone to be able to transcend, one must be able to overcome the pain of love.
Kaya napunta kami sa tanong na: “How do we get over the pain of love?” Naku, ayaw sagutin ni Fr. Marlon. Ang hirap din naman kasi sagutin. Lahat tayo, napagdaanan ang love at ang sakit nito, pero iba-iba ang paraan natin to overcome the pain. May tama, may mali. May sakto, may kulang.
Hinahanap ko ang sagot, at nauwi ako sa sinabi ni Mother Teresa na: “I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.” Ito din siguro ang paraan for one to go through the transcendence of love. Pero ‘di ganoon kadali. Paano nga ba?
Masasagot yun kapag nasagot na natin paano ba totoong magmahal? Sinabi sa’kin noon ng kaibigan ko na hindi ko daw alam ang tunay na ibig sabihin ng pagmamahal. Masyado ko daw inaasa yung kaligayahan ko at pagmamahal sa mga bagay na nais o gusto ko. Kaya nabubulagan at nabibingi sa kung ano ba ang tunay na kahulugan ng pagmamahal. Lalim no? Di ko nga gets eh. Hahaha
Ano nga ba ang batayan para masabi mong mahal mo ang isang tao? Paano ba masasabi na totoo ang pagmamahal mo? O ano ba talaga ang pagmamahal? Ikaw, alam mo ba?
Few days ago, binalikan ko yung tanong habang kausap ko si Ate Eve at si Christian. Pareho silang ex, isang dating taga-kumbento at isang taga-seminaryo. Tinanong ko sila “How do we transcend love?” Sabi ni Ate Eve, “to transcend means to go beyond” tas dagdag pa niya “for me, nasasabi ko na I transcend love with my husband, na kahit magkalayo kami paminsan-minsan, hindi nawawala yung pagmamahal namin sa isa’t-isa. Na kahit ano yung challenges, we go beyond them and stand by our love.”
Pumasok din ang usapan na depende din kasi yung sa klase ng love. Syempre, the best example of how love transcends is the love of God for us. It transcends our sins and failures, it goes beyond our own distance from God. It even goes beyond the love we can give.
Paano naman sa ating mga tao? How do we transcend love? Palagay ko we have our own ways on how we go beyond love. For some of us we transcend that love by actually letting go of that love. Ni-remind ako ng best friend ko na if you truly love someone, you can let them go. That is how you transcend love: you go beyond your love for the person so you can give them their happiness and for their greater good. You go beyond love by making that sacrifice, by making the painful choice of giving up on something you can’t live without to make sure that the one you love gets to truly live. Even if it means they live without you.
Sometimes, we meet someone not so we can be loved, but for us to know what it means to be loved.
For some, you go beyond your love for someone so you can focus on your love for yourself that you lose because of loving that someone. Some fall in love and lose their self in the process. They love someone and lose their self-worth, self-respect, and even their sense of dignity.
On the other hand, for some, they transcend their love for themselves so they can fully love someone else. In this case, I believe you can only transcend love when you can love fully. When you are whole. When you know that you love the person not for how they make you feel but for how the two of you are when you are together. You transcend love when you go beyond the pain of waiting, when you go beyond the struggles brought by challenges of what situation you are both in. You transcend love because love is no longer an emotion, love becomes the two of you. It is a force that binds you and the fuel that moves you towards growth.
Balikan natin ngayon yung tanong ko na “Paano nga ba magmahal?” Tingin ko, walang tamang sagot sa paano. Iba-iba tayo ng paraan para magmahal. Iba-iba tayo ng paraan paano ipinapakita yung pagmamahal na ‘yun. Ang mahalaga, para sa akin, kung nagmamahal ka, dapat walang nasasaktan. Pero posible nga bang mahalin ang isang tao na walang nasasaktan? Sa tingin ko posible. Mahirap, oo. Pero posible. You just have to transcend love.